My philosophy regarding free shows has always been if you don’t want to do a show, don’t do the show. #UCB

My last name, Reitz, is German. In German, ei is a diphthong pronounced like the English word “eye,” so Reitz sounds like these English words:

• Writes 
• Rites
• Rights

To give you some contrast, in the name Bieber - also German - contains a different diphthong, ie, which is pronounced “ee” as in “Eee, it’s Justin Bieber.”

The funny thing is that people tend to mispronounce my last name “Reetz” even though the English ei is usually voiced like the letter a (sleigh, beige) unless preceded by c (receive, ceiling.) So no matter how itchy Reetz is, I wonder why the more natural mispronunciation of Reitz is not something closer to the word Rates. But Rates wouldn’t be correct, either (ee-thur. Uh oh.)

So now you know how to pronounce the name Reitz: pretend you’re saying “Rights.” You’re welcome. 

An original design. You’re welcome, New York.

The 14th St - Union Square subway station is a frustrating place to catch a train or make a transfer. Other subway stations may be sketchier or more dangerously crammed with riders, but Union Square wins the award for poor design; its ad-hoc layout and high passenger volume practically encourage human collisions and bottlenecks. The MTA had the same feeling when it created this internal diagram in the late 1970s:

Although the layout was improved in the 1990s, most of those points of conflict and confusion still exist. It’s the fourth-busiest station in the City and the only transfer point between the growing  train and the  and  lines, so using the station correctly is something all New Yorkers should know how to do. 

The key to navigating through the chaos lies in picking the correct routes through the passageways and moving through them confidently. This can be done by following a few simple rules:

Rule One: If you are entering the subway system at Union Square, use entrances closest to your train line. Doing so will ensure you get directly to your train without adding to any chaos.

• The  trains run along the eastern edge of the park, so the best entrances are the ones alongside 4th Avenue between 14th and 15th streets (by Starbucks, Walgreens, and Food Emporium.)
• For the  trains, use the entrances in the park itself and along Union Square West (across from the Coffee Bar, the Heartland Brewery, etc.)
• The  train has an exclusive entrance on the South side of 14th street between Broadway and University Place (in front of the DSW and Whole Foods.)

Rule Two: If you are transferring or leaving the system at Union Square, you should already be in the subway car closest to the staircase or elevator you will use when you arrive. This requires some planning and experience, but there’s help for newcomers. Exit Strategy NYC is a smartphone app designed to help you be in the correct car for any transfer you’ll ever have to make. If you don’t have a smartphone, or don’t want to shell out the money for the app, here are some general notes that might help:

• The  platform has three sets of staircases. The center one connects directly to the  platforms, and the west-most one goes directly to the street. You should use those staircases whenever applicable, and only use the east-most set to transfer to the  through the mezzanine. 
• The platforms are narrow and have a ton of staircases that ultimately lead to three different passageways, all of which are madhouses. They are all going to be congested no matter what you do, but good planning can make things better. Be towards the uptown end of the train to transfer to the  and be towards the downtown end to transfer to the . 

Rule Three: Be patient but assertive as you move through the station. Even if you know exactly where you should be going, you will still experience dissonance and bottlenecks, especially if you’re transferring to or from the  trains. Move confidently and swiftly, but always be aware of the movement around you. Stay to the right on the staircases and get out of other peoples’ way if you need to slow down or want to listen to the post-rock violin music being played on the mezzanine. Do not stop suddenly, and do not change direction unexpectedly. Look straight ahead and try to make eye contact with the people walking around you. If someone is in your way — walking slowly, moving erratically, etc. — do what you can to move past them. It’s not a race, but it’s important to keep moving. 

This last rule is most important, and it applies to moving through any subway station. The more assertive and aware you are, the better things will be for everyone.